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The best dad jokes are the ones that make us roll our eyes, laugh out loud and jot them down on paper so we can tell them to someone else later. We can’t deny the fact that when hear a cheesy one-liner, our joy unfolds like a flower and happiness sparkles inside our little giggly hearts. Whether you want to break the ice at work, entertain the kiddos or simply let out a few chuckles by yourself before you hit the hay, the following list of the best dad jokes will definitely deliver!
100 Easy, Breezy, Cheesy Dad Jokes 😆
What is a tree’s favorite condiment?
Branch Dressing!
What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath?
Bubble-O7
Why did the duck go to the chiropractor?
To get his back quacked!
What is it called when two celebrities are fighting?
Star Wars
What do you call a zombie who writes music?
A decomposer
Why are grandma’s teeth like stars?
They come out at night…
What is it called when a prisoner takes their own picture?
A cell-fie!
Do trees poop?
Yes – where do you think No. 2 pencils come from?
Why did Elsa buy a new laptop?
Her old one was frozen!
How does a taco say grace?
Lettuce pray!
What do you call a mouse that swears?
A cursor
What did 50 cent say when Eminem gave him a sweater?
Gee, you knit?! (get it….G-unit 😆)
What insect goes well with Jelly?
A peanut butterfly
Why did the phone wear glasses?
It lost all it’s contacts!
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide & Speak!
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates!
What is a cat’s favorite TV show?
Claw & Order
What is 50 cent’s favorite sandwich?
Da club
What do you call an angry counselor?
Therapissed!
How do elves clean their hands?
Santa-tizer!
How do Witches eat their bagels?
With scream cheese!
Why don’t phones ever go hungry?
They have plenty of apps to choose from
Do you know what 50 Cent did when he got hungry?
58!
Why did the bride want to return her dress?
She just couldn’t tie the knot!
Why do bakers use flour?
Bread sticks…
What do you call someone that steals noodles from the rich & gives them to the poor?
Ramen Hood
Why is Donald Trump banning shredded cheese?
he wants to make America grate again
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
because she always runs away from the ball
How did the pig get to the hogspital?
In a hambulance!
How do you get Pikachu on the bus?
Poke-em on!
What are monkeys favorite kind of cookie?
Chocolate Chimp
What do lawyers wear to work?
Lawsuits
What do you call someone who won’t fart in public?
A private tutor
What health insurance do ghosts use?
Mediscare!
Why did the boy eat his homework?
His teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
What does a painter do when he gets cold?
Puts on another coat
Why did the artist only take showers?
They couldn’t draw a bath
What do you get after picking a pig’s nose?
Ham Boogers
What pronouns does chocolate use?
Her/She
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs?
You have a vowel movement.
How do mountains see?
They peak.
Where do you imprison a skeleton?
In a rib cage.
Who is the most loneliest billionaire?
Alone Musk
What do you call someone who pretends to be swedish?
An artificial swedener
How does Kanye like his eggs?
Over Yeezy
If a fire hydrant has H2O inside, what does have on the outside?
K9P
Why couldn’t the computer take it’s hat off?
The caps lock was still on!
Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?
because your toothbrush works better
What was Mother Teresa’s favorite food?
World peas
What do you call a skunk who flies in a helicopter?
A smelly-copter!
How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Ceasars.
What do cows tell each other at bedtime?
Dairy tales.
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?
A mathema-chicken!
Where do you do if you get hurt while playing peek-a-boo?
ICU
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
What do witches put in their hair?
Scarespray
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins!
What did the carpenter say when he finished building his home?
NAILED IT!
What do you call an anti-vax nanny?
Mrs. DoubPfizer
What kind of car does a jedi drive?
Toy Yoda
What do Alexander the Great & Winnie the Pooh have in common?
the same middle name!
Do you know where they grow okra?
Okrahoma
What do you call a bike trail with no empathy?
A cycle path
How does a hamburger like to wear it’s hair?
In a bun!
What’s a pirates favorite Apple product?
The iPatch
Which Disney Princess spends all her time on dating apps?
Tinderella
What doctor specializes in Adam’s Apples?
A Guyneckologist
What do you call a sad dog that’s made of fruit?
Melon Collie
Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired of hearing wheely bad jokes
How do ghosts listen to music?
with bootooth
What language do pigs speak?
Swine Language
How did the zombie body builder hurt his back?
From dead lifting
What would Miley Cyrus be called if she had Coronavirus?
Corona Cyrus
Where do ghosts her their Halloween candy?
The ghostery store
Why is it risky to let kids watch big band performances on tv?
Too much sax & violins
What generation does Forrest Gump belong to?
Gen A
Where do dentists go to gamble?
Floss Vegas
What do you call a country singer that likes Indian food?
Curry Underwood
What do you call sick pasta?
Mac & Sneeze
How do two cats end a fight?
They hiss and make up
What insect is bad at sports?
Fumble bees
What do frogs order a McDonalds?
Fries & a Diet Croak
What do you give a sick vampire?
Coffin Drops
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot Tupac
What do you call a long-haired, bearded gardener?
Harry Potter
What do you call a fairy that never bathes?
Stinkerbell
What can everyone see themselves doing?
Cleaning mirrors
What do you call 52 pieces of bread?
A Deck of Carbs!
What is the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?
Roverdose!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?
A barbercue…
What happens when you eat aluminum foil?
You sheet metal.
What do horses have low divorce rates?
They have stable relationships
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it!
What do astronauts eat for protein?
Launch meat
What’s the difference between a dad and a grill?
A grill runs out of gas.
How fast is milk?
It’s pasteurized before you know it.
What happens when a frog’s car dies?
He needs a jump. If that doesn’t work he has to get it toad.
How do you make Lady Gaga mad?
Poke her face.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?
Are you having a crisis?
Best one-Liner Dad Jokes
You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.
Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
I just got hit by a can of soda, but thankfully it was just a soft drink
The best way to cook crocodile is in a CROCK pot – ha!
Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty.
What does “idk” stand for? Everyone I ask says, “I don’t know.”
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
If artists wear sketchers ..do linguists wear converse?
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.
I feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.
If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?
It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.
My neighbor is scared to plant an apple tree…so I told him to grow a pear
I always take my problems to Tommy…Hilfiger something out
I don’t mean to brag but, cashiers are always checking me out!
I stepped on a cornflake – I’m a cereal killer!
It’s a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore. I just bought a TV that said “Built in Antenna” & to be perfectly honest…I don’t even know where that is!
I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about the iPhone. And then Samsung
I told a joke on a Zoom Meeting and no-one laughed. It turns out I’m not remotely funny.
Need more Dad Jokes?
There are oodles more where those came from, so spread the joy of epic hilarity with more dad jokes from these fun resources below!
1. Dad Jokes – the good, bad & terrible! 😆
With this book, you can have over 600 jokes right at your fingertips, including this one:
Why did the lumberjack go to the bank? To open up a shavings account!
Get all the jokes by getting the book here on Amazon: Dad Jokes – Jimmy Niro
2. The Morning Corny 😃
You are going to jump for joy when you see just how many jokes are available on The Bobby Bones Show Instagram page that features all their “The Morning Corny” jokes. Scroll for days to find the most funniest, clever and best dad jokes on the internet here: The Morning Corny
My favorite joke from the stash has definitely got to be this one below! 😆
Did my list of the best dad jokes leave out one of your favorites? If so, please don’t hesitate to drop them in the comments below because I want to hear them and know what other great jokes I’m missing! 🤣
