Affiliate Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that at no additional cost to you, I may earn a small commission. Read full privacy policy here.
So, As I am writing this, I am 29 years of age. On October 30th, I will be…30. THIRTY. THREE DECADES OLD. All I can think about is how many things are going to change when I walk through that door of being a thirty-something.
For example, I will no longer be able to say “10 years ago, I was still a teenager”. Nope, instead, I will be saying “Oh my, 10 years ago, I was just grown adult in my 20’s”. Oh lordy…
So, I have a little bit of a phobia of aging – I admit, but I also know that I am not old, nor am I trying to disrespect older folks that my be reading this. This is simply a post to poke fun at turning 30. Why? Because it is intimidating, scary, and a big deal (to me) to turn big ole 3-0. I want these thoughts on the internet for all to read aloud at my funeral when my body has been alive for 30 years multiplied by 3. (So, If I live that long, I will turn thirty three times….OH MY GOD).
Alright, so now that I have given you a super dramatic opening, allow me to be your ancient ass volcano and erupt a bunch 30-year old lava on you, filled with advice, things-to-have, and humor.
So, I am trying to make light of whole experience for my own sanity. I hope it will help any anxiety you may be having about this too by making you laugh. Also, shout out to the girls who turn 30 and don’t GAF – Wanna hand over some of that 30-year old swagger? I need it. Don’t want it, but I need it, HA!
1. Gear to Hold your Glasses
We are going to need places to keep our glasses. I don’t know about y’all, but I am going to be too young when I turn 30 to sport the reading glasses chain around my neck. Nah, not yet homie.
These are the most “coolest” ones I could find. We have the red lips eye glasses holder for the gals, and a mustache version for the gents.
Get there here: Amazon
2. Anti-Slip Socks
This one is kind of important because now that all we will be doing is tripping over everything and breaking our hips, we have to take PRECAUTIONS, PEOPLE.
Be safe, not sorry and get some of these here: Amazon
I like these because they don’t look like your typical pastel yellow grandma birth-control socks. 🙂
3. Hip Dance Moves
If we want to fit in with the 30-somethings, we have to act like the 30-somethings, and oh look, what do we have here? Taylor Swift of course, who is also turning 30 this year. She is READY, but are you ready for it?
4. Eye & Neck Cream
Yeah, Hopefully you started this when you were still in your twenties, but hey, better now than never. This time in our lives has arrived. Rub in that cream, look like a dream.
Here is an amazing eye anti-wrinkle cream: Ulta
Girl, don’t forget yo neck:
Get some of this neck firming cream by Pure Biology, here: Amazon
5. A Pill Box
Now that you are approaching 30, your doctor is going to start piling on the medications because, well, your body is dying. Be prepared and never miss a dose of your future collection of pharmaceuticals!
Now, we are getting old, but we don’t need to get big ugly pill boxes. Conceal your age by getting a pill organizer in a fancy, pink box.
Get this one here: eBay
6. Puzzles, Puzzles, Puzzles
I don’t think we are quite old enough to start being content with word search puzzles or Free Cell, but it is time that we start honing our crossword skills. Kids are going to start asking us the answers to their crosswords any day now.
Gah, this whole turning 30 thing seems like a huge responsibility.
Here. Start with some BIG PRINT crosswords like these, here: Amazon
7. Velcro Shoes (For Walks with the Gals)
You’re probably going to start getting invited to go on power walks, so be sure to grab a pair of Velcro shoes so you don’t need to worry about holding your friends and their 2-pound dumbbells back while they wait for you to tie your shoe in excruciating pain.
Here, stick with a white-out style – a classic for all the hippest of ladies. There should be a male version available as well, but these look pretty unisex to me. Perfect item to add to you shoe collection – great for women to sport at their power walks and men to rock with their knee-high socks while they are BBQing.
Reeboks and Hanes….This is your life now.
Get here: Shoes.com
8. A Sewing Machine
The seeds of a sewing addiction are about to bloom. So, get prepared by getting this one sewing machine, which is in pink and makes it look less like those antique pale yellow ones your Grandma had. Don’t forget a cute pin cushion!
Get here: Amazon
9. Bingo Daubers
I hear that the ones they sell inside the actual bingo hall are a bunch of grade-school colors, so you need a good color to stand out, and you’ll need a lucky color (at least that is what Pearl told me last week).
This set has 6 GLITTER daubers and 6 super bright colored daubers. GO GLITZY or go home, sister.
Get here: Amazon
10. Bean-O
It is possible you’ve just been gassy your whole life and you already take this one on the reg, but if you don’t – you might want to get used to it. Why? Because I am thinking it is going to be much harder to eat Taco Bell without severe consequences once we cross that 29 to 30 line.
Get Beano here: Target
11. Fanny Pack
You better start getting used to the extra weight you will start carrying in your fanny with this pink unicorn fanny pack that you can get here: Pretty Little Thing
12. Good Stories
Try coming up with your go-to story list when you need it in day-to-day conversations. It needs to be good and impressive to the young folks so really brainstorm this one out. Story-telling is a part of your lifestyle now. Be sure to follow these tips:
- Keep it long – young people love long stories with lots and lots of detail.
- Use your experience to wow your crowd – tell them about the VCR, vacuum bags, flip phones and what it was like being 10 years old without a cell-phone.
13. Learn Relatable Lyrics
Bebe Rexha also turned 30 this year, and she pretty much wrote a song about it and it couldn’t be more fitting:
and then there is this alternative version of a “Hit me Baby, One more Time” by Britney Spears, in which this girl changes up the lyrics to express the struggles of turning 30:
